In a Moment

Somewhere along the way
I seemed to realize
Somehow I lost my faith

It's like I looked up
And it all was gone
Just like that
In a moment

It became an overwhelming emptiness
A sophicating void
Once again, I was lost

Nothing to hold
Nothing to cling to

The world I built
Its comfort
Its love
Its tenderness
Its security

All too sudden
Was non-existent

I am alone
Not a familiar face in sight

Just a lie
Just betrayal
Numb

How can this be?

A thousand shattered pieces
And no glue

I sit dazed
Anticipating the comfort of denial
Not even that is present

What I would give right now
For some peace
To breathe
For an explanation
Something to guide me

An ounce of familiarity
My sanity

No
There's nothing
It's gone

Lost
Just like that
In a moment

Dad

It's amazing how things are different now
More like sad, to tell the truth

When I sit here and wonder what went wrong
Things aren't the same between me and you

Never in my life could I imagine
That things would be this way

That we would grow so far apart
That we would create this much pain

I used to look to you so much
For various little things

Whether it was your wisdom, hugs, advice or such
Or just the comfort you would bring

I knew that when things got tough
You'd be right there to give me strength

You'd never let me give up
You taught me to have faith

You taught me to be honest, to maintain my dignity
To take pride in all the things I do but mostly to take pride in me

You taught me the difference between right and wrong
The meaning of modesty, compassion and loyalty

For this you were the apple of my eye
My confidant, my father, my security

And yet, everything you once taught
The things that made me who I am today

You've come to contradict each one of them
Except for pride- that's the only thing you maintained

This pride and stubbornness you possess
Is what caused our bond to fade

But it would be ignorant of me
To make you the only one to blame

See I've come to realize
There's no difference when our attitude's the same

This is why things are different now
This is why there's pain

The saddest truth is this
Things will probably never be the same

Yet, I'll hold on to memories
How we'd combat nightmares with late night talks

How we'd roll "monster" cheese with grape jelly
And our random father-daughter walks

I'll still hold on to the things you taught
After all, it made me the woman I am today

Until the day things aren't so different anymore
Dad, I'll still have faith

- Susan Abascal