A rant- sadness in lies...

I don't understand why people do the things they do. I guess to some extent, we as humans, aren't supposed to understand everything. However, some things just overwhelmingly perplex me. It's sad and frustrating.

I've always believed myself to be an understanding, accepting and forgiving person. I believe myself to be more than fair in most situations and I rarely ever get mad at anyone or anything. I won't say that I don't get upset because I certainly do and I can't help that because I'm just one of those sensitive people in the world. Well, atleast to those I've let close enough in my life to be able to call friends- family of course too.

I've come to experience a lot of awful things in this very short time I've been given to call my LIFE. Don't get me wrong, I've also experienced some of the most beautiful things in life that so many people would wish to know. Yet, in those awful things, I've come to learn and grow as a person. I've learned to forgive those that have hurt me, that have stolen from me, cheated me and walked out of my life. I've even come to accept people opinions and objections, circumstances and misfortunes.

The one thing though that I could never understand or grasp in the slightest is a persons relentless ignorance in their conviction to lie to me. For most people know that I seldom pass any judgment and I'm more than understanding and accepting of most situations/ideas/actions.

It's the worst thing to do to me. It's a disrespect to any person. How can you put value in a person that can't speak the truth or at least admit to the truth in order to maintain their dignity and respect? The thing is you can't.

It's such an awful thing to lose any respect, belief, admiration, faith, trust- an entire perception of/in a person. It's never the lie a person tells- people can see right through those things. It's just the matter of a person telling a lie.

Troubled Soul

I see that you're a troubled soul
And this breaks me down inside

How you're full of uncertainty
How anxiety keeps you up at night

I see that you're a troubled soul
Always searching for a way

Always looking for the answers
That are right in front of your face

I see that you're a troubled soul
You say this is nothing new

That this always happen
The bad things that happen to you

I see that you're a troubled soul
Always wanting more

And while that's quite alright
How about the things you have?

Those things, do you adore?

I see that you're a troubled soul
I wish I could make your troubles go away

To ease your every worry
To stop all your pain

I see that you're a troubled soul
But this isn't the way things have to be

If you have a little faith
You'll see that I've given you the key

I see that you're a troubled soul
For this, I've given you a part of me

So that you wouldn't be alone
In hopes to give you peace

I see that you're a troubled soul
I wish you wouldn't push me far away

I wish you'd take my hand
That you could understand

Love and faith will guide your way

I see that you're a troubled soul
But I know, this isn't who you are

So when I answer your questions at night
To listen isn't hard

I see that you're a troubled soul
However, like me, this too will fade

In time, you'll see a better life
In time, your soul will change

And when I no longer see your troubled soul
There's just one thing I pray

That the peace that you'll be given
You won't let it slip away

Dad

It's amazing how things are different now
More like sad, to tell the truth

When I sit here and wonder what went wrong
Things aren't the same between me and you

Never in my life could I imagine
That things would be this way

That we would grow so far apart
That we would create this much pain

I used to look to you so much
For various little things

Whether it was your wisdom, hugs, advice or such
Or just the comfort you would bring

I knew that when things got tough
You'd be right there to give me strength

You'd never let me give up
You taught me to have faith

You taught me to be honest, to maintain my dignity
To take pride in all the things I do but mostly to take pride in me

You taught me the difference between right and wrong
The meaning of modesty, compassion and loyalty

For this you were the apple of my eye
My confidant, my father, my security

And yet, everything you once taught
The things that made me who I am today

You've come to contradict each one of them
Except for pride- that's the only thing you maintained

This pride and stubbornness you possess
Is what caused our bond to fade

But it would be ignorant of me
To make you the only one to blame

See I've come to realize
There's no difference when our attitude's the same

This is why things are different now
This is why there's pain

The saddest truth is this
Things will probably never be the same

Yet, I'll hold on to memories
How we'd combat nightmares with late night talks

How we'd roll "monster" cheese with grape jelly
And our random father-daughter walks

I'll still hold on to the things you taught
After all, it made me the woman I am today

Until the day things aren't so different anymore
Dad, I'll still have faith

- Susan Abascal